— Mel Morrison
Christmas is a time and season full of and joy and good cheer.
But for this wretched soul, ghostly thoughts chase me and sobering taunts linger near.
Time to remember our Christmas memories: some good but most of them sad. “They” will
recall the smell of homemade cookies and a crackling fire is my bet. Mine are buried, “those”
I’d rather forget.
This is a season of cold, dark grieving. Some will choose the joy and cheer.
What about you? What about others going through? Have you stopped believing?
It was the night before all my hope is gone and what is left of me fades away like a rolling fog.
Joy no longer lives in me or another dawn.
I dare not dream of another Christmas Eve or that Jesus loves this wretched one.
The only chill in the air cascades down my spine and grips my thoughts with “why?”
Blinding darkness ensue my mind “I cannot take any more of this life.”
My soul’s dimly lit the only gift is wrapped in decades of legacy’s guilt.
Years of sour resentment leaves a bitter taste on my tongue. No more words to speak.
It hurts too much. The damage is done.
An angry heart bleeds into rage; shooting down anyone who gets in the way.
Drinking to get numb and too numb to feel; where is God now? Do you still love me even now?
Down to my last drink, and I have lost everything.
My family has shut me out and I tried to kill myself so many times I cannot count.
I am at the end of me and the end of all my hope before night runs out.
I am so tired and weary.
Am I the one you leave for the ninety-nine?
I am asking, are you the God who is chasing me.
Are you the that God I heard in my soul dimly lit
Speaking to me “wretched soul, don’t quit?”
Are you that God on High who says “I set before you life and death, choose life.”
I want to know who loves me this recklessly.
I am a wretched soul in need of a Christmas miracle. I need Redeemed!
Talk to someone before you stop believing.
Dedicated to my four lost in one year!
You have a future filled with hope!
December 13, 2017